Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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