Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
