she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
