the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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