I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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