So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
