You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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