this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
two words: eviction party
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
