i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My life is pants optional.
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