Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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