I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
