omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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