After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
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I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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