somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
