you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I have demons in me.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
