moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize