I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
