THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
