So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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