i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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