I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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