My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.