sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Acid is not a monday night drug
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
