Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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