dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
