wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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