I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
