She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
