once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
