okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
