ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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