please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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