How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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