if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
