every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
