Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
