I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
