I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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