I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
