My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
