Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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