our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
