I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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