so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
