I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
the raccoons are back...
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