Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
