Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
