I don't think brook has ever known best
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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