my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
