I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
