Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
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the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
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blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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