morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
