remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
