i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
