trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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