i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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