Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
