I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
