Duck Duck Cougar?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
