you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
