would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
