I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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