that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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