He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
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