I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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