dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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