In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
