tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
