He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
