When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
