dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
