dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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