so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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