I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
