He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize