9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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