ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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