You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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