Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
