I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
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Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
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Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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